08.09.03, 12:10.
afternoons and coffeespoons.

i said to myself that if diaryland would let me add an entry right now, i'd add an entry. damn my luck that this is the one time the server isn't overloaded, because i have nothing to say.

i'm just about finished school. i write my exam on august 27th. then i fly back to london on september 1st, and then real school starts on september 4th. what the fuck? so much for summer vacation.

i want to go away in february with steve. we're talking about a trip to somewhere nice, like venezuela or mexico or cuba. but he won't make up his damn mind on whether or not he wants to go. how could you not want to go on a trip to somewhere nice? boys boys boys. i'm sending him photocopies from my travel magazines along with a pricelist for the week. hopefully that will entice him. because damnit, i could really use a break.

i still can't believe that i'm graduating this year. i'll get to walk the stage twice, too- once for my bachelors degree in psychology, and once for a diploma in writing. that just kind of happened by fluke. but hey, an extra diploma is good with me. i'm not going to refuse it.

for not having anything to say, i guess i lied. not that this is exciting, but i still managed to fill this little box.

07.20.03, 11:43.
not much to say.

i never update this anymore. i don't have the patience to sit and reload for hours when i get that message about "wait five seconds". the wait is never five seconds.

today is my best-friend-in-high-school's birthday. i haven't spoken to her in about eight months.

meh.

it's days like this that you remember what happened and think "god, what a bitch."

06.29.03, 22:08.
home again.

viva las vegas! good times were definitely had. saw rita rudner and a cirque du soliel show, ate lots of great food, played a few slots, walked for miles and did a bit of cheap shopping. it's nice to be home where it isn't 38C outside. yikes! sleeping in tomorrow, laser tag on canada day, back to work on wednesday. it's nice to finally have a break. :)

06.26.03, 12:15.
viva las vegas!

1. i joined weight watchers exactly one week ago today. today, i went for my second meeting and i weighed in at 5.8 pounds less than last week!

2. i'm going to vegas this afternoon. it will be fun!

3. i cut off all of my hair. remember grade eleven? it looks like that again.

see you all on sunday. xo.

06.16.03, 15:03.
sorry. i know i never do these and i'll likely never do another.

[take the test] - [by krystaljungle.com]

06.16.03, 10:07.
just let me rant, okay?

i stayed home from work today. i had the worst weekend EVER and the thought of spending another 8 hours being criticized and mocked by my employer just didn't appeal to me. i fucking hate him.

this city is taking it's toll on me. 7 weeks of non-stop criticism by every one i'm surrounded by is NOT easy. my education is being made fun of, and i'm the only damn person in the family who's even ATTEMPTING university. my food intake is being watched like a hawk and i get yelled at for having a bowl of ice cream. my weight is constantly being talked about and everyone but me is trying to find a solution to the "problem" of my weight. my weight is not a fucking problem. yes, i'm heavier than i ever have been. i'm also weight training 6 days per week and muscle is heavy. i'm also souped up on hormones because i have a chronic disease. yes, hormones are hard on weight, but i'm fucking sick. it's not that easy to just take them out of my life. well, it is, but whoops. all of the sudden, my reproductive organs are so badly scarred that i've lost my chances of ever having children. i'd rather take the drugs and weigh a little bit more, thankyouverymuch. i'm not fucking fat. my body is not the problem; your mind is.

i fucking hate this city and the people here are driving me to the point where my self-esteem, particularily my body image, have taken a sharp nose-dive straight into the ground. and no, i can't talk to anyone about it- then i'm accused of attacking people and i get told that i'm "really damn good at making people feel bad". gee, thanks, can we talk some more?

every time i come home, it's just another reminder of why i felt the need to move to the other side of the country at the first opportunity i had, when i was seventeen years old. and since i've been away, i thought home would be a nice treat every once and a while. it's not. people lie. it's just another fucking reminder of why i left in the first place.